Thursday, October 24, 2013

Late night ramblings on motherhood.


Sometimes I wonder if this mothering thing is too much for my heart. I mean, can I possibly stand to be stretched any more in any direction? The intense love, the sorrow, the frustration, the pain, the feelings of helplessness, the joy, the feelings of inadequacy, the heartbreak, the feeling of accomplishment, fulfillment, drive, energy on little sleep, and yet exhaustion. How can one thing cause such a division of emotions and feelings? All in a days time. 

Earlier in the day I was feeling so much peace in my heart. All was right in our lives. Things felt so right. 24 hours prior to that I was crying on the floor holding three of my crying babies. And right now in the middle of the night I'm sitting in the dark watching my three oldest sleep, feeling helpless while D runs our littlest to the Primary Children's Hospital ER. 

As a mother, my heart is so invested in these four lives I'm raising. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage, devotion, humility and love to get through the roller coaster of raising children. I've only been at it a short four years and already I've been stretched in ways I never imagined. In all ways. 

Motherhood, it's a beautiful thing that sometimes looks messy. But those moments make it all so sweet. They remind me of God. I've written before of my love of emotion. The entire spectrum. And if anything covers that spectrum so diversely, it's parenthood. 

I hope my heart can continue to stretch for those little ones under my care. I hope I can handle everything that comes our way, be it devastation, happiness, joy, heartache, or peace. Sometimes it all seems like too much for my little self to bear on its own. And it is. Thankfully God and I make a great team.

3 comments:

Double the Trouble said...

I have days like the ones you spoke of....and often. But then I think, if Tiff can do this, so can I. Thanks for being an inspiration to us mothers, you're the bomb!

Leisa Moulton said...

I know the feeling. Every day is a full range of emotions when we are dealing with our kids, each moment brings something new. I hope Alfie is alright and it's nothing serious.

Rob and Becca Bingham said...

I hope all is well with your little guy. There definitely is a rush of emotions that comes with being a mother!