Wednesday, May 4, 2011
What I hope you know.
Here is a sneak peek.
Soon to come - Seattle, tulip festival, Easter, royal wedding party, and of course the van.
Until then, enjoy...
I remember so vividly driving around in the car with my mom. She would lovingly talk to all the cars around her. "Come on, hun...drive." "The speed limit is 35, dear." She is a California driver enduring Idaho traffic. Then she would follow it up with, "kids, don't ever do this."
Sometimes I will visit with my Mom about the way I am, things I struggle with, my quirks and she'll say, "I know, I am sorry...you get that from me."
There are some traits I am happy to pass on to my children. Others, I hope to change before they become habits in my kids.
Although I have many things that I need to improve and work on, I'm happy with myself. I am content being me.
A few weeks ago getting to church was chaos (it usually is.) Two kids screaming, can't find ANY pairs of shoes for V, can't find the keys, rushing to pack the bag and make it on time, then we arrived and before getting out of the car I looked at D and said, "Now, lets put a smile on our faces and pretend like everything is great." Sure enough we walked in with poise. V had a smile on her face and charmed everyone she passed, I was smiling and happy to have made it, and everyone was content. No one would know that we were in utter chaos just moments before.
My Mom told me about a situation when she used to look at a couple and think they had it all. she used to think, 'they have the greatest marriage.' Unfortunately, it ended in an affair and finally a divorce. She told me to always be grateful for your own problems, and then work on them.
Then a while back I found this adorable blog. The author of the blog often writes about her sweet husband. She gushes in such a sweet way over how amazing he is. All of the sudden I became the naggy wife from youknowwhere. D couldn't do anything right. I measured him up to this expectation. I knew what was happening. I knew it from the moment it started. So I stopped reading the adorable blog and I started loving my husband. He has a lot to offer. He may not call me "sweet cakes," (I don't think I would like that anyway,) and he still doesn't pick up his towel in the morning, he might not plan and follow through with the most amazing dates of the century every weekend (although, he has had a few), and he doesn't leave a note on my pillow every morning, but he has a lot to offer in his own special way. I had expectations that didn't need to be met. It would be like him expecting a clean house and dinner on the table with a glowing wife and happy kids every night when he walks through the door. Not going to happen.
Stick with me, I have a method to this madness.
So, when my sister jokingly said to me the other day, "when I grow up I want to be you." I said, "no you don't." Life is great, but we are real people with real problems.
I try to keep things in perspective on this blog of mine. I try to add the good the bad the pretty and the ugly.
I have friends who struggle with infertility (like I did,) I have friends who struggle with their kids, I have friends who struggle in their marriage, others who don't have the traditional family, some who have had a difficult life. Sometimes I hesitate blogging about happy things, for fear that it might make them feel bad.
But, that isn't what my blog is about. It isn't to show you what a great life I have.
I love our life. But I don't want you to love it more than yours. I have done that before when I read blogs and I don't want to be the source of heartache in someone else!
Rather, I hope you get something else from my blog.
I hope you get the sense that I tackle life with a positive attitude. I try to remember that the glass is half full (not half empty - and not all the way full either!) Life can be hard, but that is okay - we are better for it.
I try really hard to be happy in the ups and downs of life.
I know what real depression is, I fight for happiness everyday.
Most days I win.