Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I am beginning to discover an interesting paradigm in my life. In the last three years I have endured three of the most difficult trials in my life. Some days it seems like too much. Sometimes I cannot handle the situation. However, sometimes in the midst of extreme turmoil I feel so blessed and so calm. I am learning that the most important healing takes place internally rather than externally. I may have once believed that the situation needed to change to make things better. Sometimes that is where all my energies lie, changing or correcting the physical situation. Now I understand I am the one who needs the transformation in order to endure and be happy and overcome difficult circumstances. An important part of overcoming trials is a transformation internally to endure external circumstances. That may be the only control we can have in a situation.
That is the paradigm that I have seen in each scenario. In such turmoil how can one feel so blessed? I suppose it is due to the atonement. The knowledge I have that Christ has endured just what I am enduring. He got through it. He did it for me. I can get through it. I know I will get through it, maybe not in this life. One thing I have never doubted was that things will get better. Even in the depths of despair I know things will get better. Why should I think this? I would think with a limited view of mortality one would not see beyond difficulty; life would seem too much to bear. Although I have felt that feeling too, I have never doubted that with time things will get better. That is the atonement. Christ’s ultimate sacrifice is the ultimate example of our lives. Nothing difficult can not be overcome. No bad situation can not be made better. Christ endured all suffering and pain of all mankind in all of past, present, and future and he now lives as our Savior and Redeemer. He overcame death, what some would view as “the ultimate end.” Perhaps the healing of a situation in our life may not manifest itself physically right now. Maybe we will always be placed in a setting of turmoil. However, our hearts and spirits can be healed and strengthened. That is the most important thing. That is what will bring us great happiness. That is what allows us to live peaceably in a world of turmoil. That is what will help us to live worthy of the blessing of exaltation. Our limited view of life on this earth hinders the capacity for us to truly understand what God has in store. Our life on this earth may seem like everything at times. But it is one small part in a great plan. It is a stepping-stone to a glorious eternity.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I was a little shocked. However, just before I went to the ultrasound my mom said, "You are having a boy. Look at you. You are up higher and pointy. Completely different from your last pregnancy." So I started doubting myself and thinking maybe I was having a boy. When the picture came up on the screen to validate that the baby is in fact a boy I didn't even have to question! It was obvious! We are really excited! We had things all figured out (names, clothes, parenting, decor etc...) if it was a girl, but are really excited to start thinking a little differently! It may take us some time to come up with a boy name. For some reason we have no problem with naming girls. So a boy it is! I love knowing the gender. We had planned on a surprise with Veva. Whatever! As soon as we could know we gave up. It makes it so real for me. I feel like I enter a new phase of pregnancy when I find out the gender. I am jumping for joy inside and cannot wait until this little boy makes his debut. Bring on the boy.